My latest flash fiction story has recently reminded me of a few things. A) My fears (rational or not) B) My screwed up dreams and C) My need for but lack of control when I feel I need it most. Not to mention, my novel that I am currently editing deals a lot with dreams.
I’ve grown out of the doll nightmares (see Flash Fiction Challenge #12), as far as I can tell, but for quite a long time since then, especially in the last few years, I have had nightmares with recurring themes.
The first is that I’m on an elevator, usually with others. It could be anyone. While yes, sometimes the elevator plunges, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s always broken. We are always stuck. The majority of the time, the elevator instead shoots UP through the shaft, breaks through the roof, and flies over the side of a 150 story building, us inside. This is when I wake up.
The more recent dreams I’ve had all involve natural disasters. Tornadoes are the #1 theme. While they almost never actually make it to me, I always see them in the distance, approaching, threatening. #2 is volcanoes. Not just regular volcanoes, either. These are end-of-the-world volcanoes. Like the earth is rattled with quakes, and lava is flowing everywhere, creating mountains further spewing lava. There are only a few of us left, trying to survive, figure out what to do. The next is floods. I have a strange number of dreams involving floods. The other night, I had a dream that a forest fire was clearing out the country side (let’s call it a field fire), and was on our doorstep. No matter how hard I tried to keep it at bay with a hose and water, it just continued to approach.
Lastly, not a natural disaster, but common nonetheless, are my dreams of driving on a narrow road on the top of a cliff, forest all around, a river at the bottom. The road is always too narrow to drive on, or the bridges are out, but my husband keeps driving anyway, convincing me we can make it, and we go over the side of the cliff.
One thing in common with all of these dreams is my seeming lack of control in the situations. You can’t stop natural disasters from happening, no matter what you try. I can see aspects of my life where this might come into play, but first and foremost, I must mention that while these dreams are frightening, I get a rush from them. I actually like them! What is wrong with me? Maybe I’m an adrenaline junkie. Maybe I just want to give up control sometimes, since I feel like I always have to have control over everything around me.
We can’t control everything around us, and especially not people. I think I have the hardest time with that one. I can be bossy, I think, but I simply like things to be done the way I want them done, and that makes me a control freak. Minus being a stay at home mother, running the household, caring for our child, I like to have control over other things, too, but often find that I can’t.
That’s why I love writing. I have complete control over each and every detail of the fictional events I write about. I control the characters, what they say, what they do, where they go, what happens to them, the pain they endure, how strong they are to adapt and pull through. I control the depth of evil in characters, I control the setting, the plot, I control their names, I control whether I use the words always or never. I control it all.
What types of dreams do you have, and what does it say about you? Comment below!!